What You Didn't Know
by midnightletters
Summary: Endless Waltz never ended. Duo finds himself alone 15 years after the beginning of the second war. His emotions are split between surviving and ending his life. Then he's visited my an ghost of a memory. Deathfic, attempted friendship by 04


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. (runs away crying)

Okay, so, I know that my first publication of this story needed some work. FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER! Could have gotten in very big trouble with that one. Thank you to Native for helping me out with the translations, I terribly suck at French! To tell the truth I was waiting for someone like Native to help me out with that, my old textbook is worth crap now. Oh and I forgot to mention, Quatre is supposed to be the one talking to Duo in French, Heero=Japanese. Once again, Thank You Native!

English translations are in the brackets…. [_blah, blah_] yea just like that. Sorry it's confusing but I don't wanna change it!

What You Didn't Know

What you didn't know, was that I was alone. For most of my life, or the whole of my soul, I was alone. The echoes around me only solidified my dark desires to a never changing lifestyle. Steel siding only served to keep this warehouse to Easy-Bake oven temperatures, the recipe was almost done. Just add insanity.

I knelt over the laptop sitting on the grate and went over the specs of the remodeling. The old man would have been impressed at my genius if he were still alive. I was able to take the conductor within my mobile suit [wonder where he is?] and amplify the output of energy, [wonder if he's still alive] making it more powerful. But the problem still was [does he even care that I'm alive?] finding a large enough tank for reserves [where did I put that letter?] that I'll burn through in a matter of seconds before takeoff.

Back and forth, like some schizophrenic recorder bouncing between the set lines. My emotions are split now, between wanting to survive and just allow my self to fall from this catwalk I'm on. It would be better if I could just let go all together. It had been years since this war had started. [Like the first war wasn't enough] We continued on without preamble, without securing the future we had left behind. Into the shadows we melted, out of the public eyes we disappeared. I'm 30 now and still fighting in this mess of a war.

[She died] Just like a rose, she died. They died, Howard, Hilde, Une [suicide, lucky duck], Trowa, Wufei [I thought I saw him yesterday], they all died, and even more that I don't remember.

So why am I continuing on? Why do I still fight? We promised each other [damn her] that we wouldn't fight anymore.

A door opened [maybe they've come to take me away] but I didn't turn around. The wind had just picked up and the hangar was old. I stood and looked out over the preserved land. Tree's still grew, mountains still tall and majestic, birds sang without care [what do they know?], and if I listened closely enough, I could hear the lack of the [is that boots on the stairs?] hustle and bustle of a city that once was. Earth had become the war zone of this day and age [size 11, combat boots, not even tied completely]. There was a time, when Earth was beautiful, just like this little paradise. [He's getting closer] This war was taking forever.

"Duo." Barely heard, barely spoken [it couldn't be]. "I thought you died?"

Surprised? I'm the "God of Death." I don't die, though "I want to die."

"Don't" this man stunk of engine grease and gunpowder, god he smelled good. Hot hands wrapped around my wrists as I felt myself begin to fall. "Let's get away from the edge."

I turned around to see those sapphire eyes, the same ones that burned my soul. [Heero.] "Heero." My eyes stung [the gunpowder?]. "I missed you!"

I didn't care that we were men by now 'cuz I hadn't seen him [since that day].

"Anata wa hazure nimo. "[He misses me too.] I smiled so bold, all the darkness had gone. For a moment, I wasn't alone, for a moment [I forgot] I was happy.

We held each other for a few minutes longer [forever yet, not long enough]. I breathed in the last scent I knew before we stepped back. He looked just like how I left him [when he left me].

"Motto aishite." He squeezed me tighter.

"I love you too." I could finally breathe.

"Duo."

"Yes?"

"Watashi wa koi." [_that's right, I am your lover_.]

"Hanashiteyo."

"I'll never let you go!" why was he saying this?

"You must."

"Zettai! I love you too much!"

Echoes. They were everywhere you didn't want them to be. They bounced off the hot tin, around inside this almost empty space of a hanger, more importantly, they hollowed out my heart. My knees ached from the impact of falling onto the ragged catwalk. I was alone again. Even though there was someone rubbing my back like the child I felt, I was alone. I guess I didn't realize it when Quatre came running up the stairs to hold me in my misery.

"Duo, tu peux encore te sauver." [_I can't find my way out_.]

"Help me… Heero." God it hurt to say his name, even after all this time.

"Je veux t'aider." [I know, _I know you could help me_.] "Tu n'es pas seul."

"I know I'm not alone. But, he's gone."

"_Yes, I'm gone."_ I could still hear his voice. Heero's voice.

What you didn't know, was that I had planned to die that night. What you didn't know, was just how much I loved you. I fought and fought to find your heart and to keep it to myself and you let me. I fought till this day, keeping your one-time smile in my heart. I didn't survive you long, before I ended\ my life, but you should know, it seemed like ten eternities before I saw you again.

What you did know, was I loved you. What you did know, was that I was hurting when I recognized the situation you were in. What you did know, was that we could have fought them off together, just like we always did. But you kept me back, you kept me from helping you. When you disappeared from the field, from my life, you knew how much I would miss you.

I guess what I didn't know, was just how much you loved me.


End file.
